To Dream of Dragons
by Yanagi-sen
Summary: Hisoka doesn't think he can be what Tsuzuki needs... but what about what Hisoka needs?


To Dream of Dragons

By Yanagi-sen

Yami no Matsuei fanfic

Usual disclaimers apply.  Not mine… but hot damn I would LOVE to have em!  ^_~

Warnings: yaoi, limey, angsty, some events changed a little, bit sappy… ^_^

AN:  Since we really don't know what's going to happen… this might be radically AU… or only a little off; we'll see… if Matsushita-sama ever finishes the story… or just continues it… I'll take whatever I can get!

Hisoka sat quietly for a while in a secluded room as Tsuzuki chatted with his shikigami.  He stared out the window, sorting himself out.  He honestly wasn't sure how much more he could take.  The last several months had been one emotional roller coaster after another.  If not his emotions then Tsuzuki's, which given their close proximity, sent HIS senses reeling.  It was just one thing after another and at times he felt like he was holding on by a thread.  

Like now.

The confrontation with Sohryu had shaken him.  He'd gotten the sense before, when Tsuzuki had summoned the shikigami that the dragon didn't like him.  But he had never imagined he would be attacked on sight.

Or be considered such an ill omen.  It had brought back so many memories from his childhood.  Painful memories.  Ones he'd be just as happy to purge from his thoughts forever.  Or at the very least, shove them back into the vaults of his memory where they belonged.

There was a quiet tap at the door, then the boy, Kijin entered.  He smiled serenely, seeing Hisoka and crossed to where the boy sat by a window that looked out on the gardens.  He was carefully balancing a tray.  Sitting beside the blond, he offered one of the cups on the try.  "Tea?"

"Thank you."  Hisoka took the cup and sipped the warm liquid gratefully, his nerves were frazzled.  The familiar warmth and taste amidst so much strangeness was comforting.  Kijin set the tray on a small table and sat back, sipping his own cup and watching the blond.

After a moment he looked down at his cup, swirling the tea.  "I feel I must apologize again for my father's behavior."

Hisoka shrugged.  "S'not your fault."

The shikigami looked up, eyes slightly uneasy though his face remained calm.  "Still, if I had known he would react that way, I would have accompanied you."

The blond drank his tea, shrugging again.  "I'm okay."

Kijin sighed, and then smiled slightly.  "Well, in any case, I'm glad you are alright.  Tsuzuki said you want to search for a shikigami?"

"Hai."

"Good luck to you.  If you need assistance, please don't hesitate to ask me.  Do you feel up to coming to the party?"

Hisoka hesitated.  He could duck out of it.  Plead a headache or fatigue.  But there was… something about Kijin that made him accept the invitation before he could really think about it.  He was rewarded with another of the boy's serene smiles before the shikigami stood, announcing that he would be back to get the blond in a quarter hour.

**

After the meal, in which Hisoka tried to ignore the covert glances from Sohryu and the overt glances from his partner; Kijin and a beaming Tenkou led the blond to what would be his room.  The younger girl bounced ahead of them, disappearing into one of the doors as the other shikigami walked gracefully beside him.  He gestured for Hisoka to precede him then entered the room.

"These chambers will be yours for your stay.  Tsuzuki is in the next suite, in fact, that door connects the two.  There is a small bathing chamber in there and that door leads to the gardens."

Hisoka looked around in amazement.  Even after seeing some of the rest of the palace he wasn't prepared for rooms such as this.  He watched as Tenkou hopped up to test the bed and pronounced it 'good enough'.  He heard Kijin's laughter, a light musical sound and watched him go pull his sister off the bed.

/He's beautiful./  He mused, then… /Where did THAT thought come from?/

"We'll leave you now.  It's been a busy day and I'm sure you need to rest."  Kijin smiled at his sister.  "Besides, SOMEONE needs to be in bed herself."

"Niisan!"  Tenkou pouted for all of a second then darted across the room to hug the shinigami.  "Good night, Hisoka-niisan!"  She released the startled boy and headed out the door, Kijin following.  He smiled one more time at Hisoka as he pulled the door shut.

"Sleep well, Hisoka."  Then he was alone.

The blond cleaned up and changed then slipped into the huge bed.  He lay awake for a long time, listening to the night sounds floating in from the garden.  When he did fall asleep, his dreams were filled with dragons.

**

Hisoka sighed, what a disappointing day.  A cactus?  A CACTUS?!!  He shook his head, then rest his chin on the heel of his hand, staring listlessly at the ripples in the pool.  He had left Riko with Tsuzuki's Taiyou, figuring the plant and the pot would have something in common.  He'd stalked back to his room, after the trip to the library with Kijin, getting lost on the way and having to be led by a giggling Tenkou.  Once in his rooms he quickly washed the day's dust from his body.  Then, throwing on some clean clothes, had stomped out to the garden.

Now he sat, staring at the koi swimming in the pool and pondering why the universe seemed to hate him so much.  He sensed a presence behind him.  It hadn't escaped his notice that besides Kijin and Tenkou, everyone else had made themselves scarce.  Only one person had THAT sense of calm serenity about them.  "Kijin."  He said without turning.

"Hai.  Do you wish to be left alone?"

Hisoka shrugged.  "Everyone seems to be avoiding me."

"Aa.  Well, Tenkou came to find me.  She thought you needed a friend."  Hisoka just stared into the pool, figuring Kijin could come or leave as he pleased.  After a moment, there was a rustle of silk, and then the shikigami sat on another rock beside him.  He also stared into the water.  "It's sad, isn't it?"

"What is?"

"Them."  One elegant hand gestured toward the fish.  "Their entire universe is that one pool."

Hisoka stared at the brightly colored koi.  "I never though of that.  I suppose they are used to it."

"True.  But what do you suppose would happen if they suddenly found themselves in a larger universe, say a lake?"

Hisoka looked up at Kijin, but the boy was gazing at the water.  "They would die I guess."

Kijin nodded, the motion graceful.  "Perhaps."  His eyes lifted to meet Hisoka's.  "Or, perhaps they would survive and so become stronger.  But if they never leave the pool, they can never know."

Hisoka pondered that for a moment, trying to discover what Kijin was getting at.  He could see the comparisons to his own situation, but failed to see how Kijin's words could help him.  Finally he shrugged; it had been a long day.  "I guess I just don't get it."

Kijin's light laughter rang out.  For some reason, the sound tickled across Hisoka's senses.  The shikigami stood and smiled down at the blond.  "What's to get?  They are merely fish."  He turned and left, the whisper of the robes the only sound.

**

He had survived.  Somehow, in spite of Kurikara, the swords, Riko's death, he had survived.  His body was nearly recovered, there were only lingering twinges of pain now and then to remind him of Kurikara's incredible power.  He was still dreadfully weak though, using his ki to heal the Tengu and then Kurikara's tests kept draining him before he could fully recover.  Not that he would admit that to anyone.  His body had been taxed to the limit too many times this year, he had no resources left.  Sohryu had quite firmly taken him to task and told him in no uncertain terms that if he didn't let himself recover fully this time, next time he would be dead.  Permanently.

He wasn't sure what to make of Sohryu's change in attitude.  The stern and somewhat frightening shikigami, who regarded him as a blight when he arrived, was acting almost… paternal toward him.  He seemed protective of Hisoka, the way he was with Kijin and Tenkou.  It was confusing to the blond shinigami.

But worse was Tsuzuki.  He understood that the brunette had been terrified that he would lose Hisoka.  The older shinigami had barely strayed from his side during the time he was confined to his bed by Sohryu.  Tsuzuki had gotten so bad, that it had taken Byakko and Touda combined to drag the brunette away to eat.  Of course, now that Hisoka was starting to regain his strength, Tsuzuki's attention was just smothering.

Just now, it had taken Suzaku to get the shinigami to go to dinner with the others.  For the first time in days, Hisoka was completely alone.  Or not, as he sensed someone out in the hall.  It was Kijin, he knew even before the light tap at the door.

"Come in."

Kijin's smiling face peered around the edge of the door.  "Do you really mean that, or would you rather be alone?"

"You can come in; your mind is fairly quiet."  He set the book he was reading aside.

The shikigami nodded and entered, shutting the door behind him.  "Unlike Tsuzuki's, right?"

Hisoka shrugged.  "He's worried.  And I've been too tired to really concentrate on my shields."  He watched the other boy approach.  Come to think of it, Kijin's mind WAS really quiet, serene like the rest of him.  It was a refreshing change from all the other minds he was usually bombarded with.  He noted Kijin's change of attire.  "Haven't seen you in clothes like those before."

Instead of the layers of embroidered silk, trailing to the floor and whispering with every move; he was dressed simply.  Kijin wore a pair of loose trousers and a belted tunic, a pair of light sandals on his feet.  The boy shikigami held up a bundle of similar clothing.  "I was going to the baths, care to join me?"

"Baths?"  Hisoka asked, even as he pushed away the blankets.

"Yes.  These individual bathing rooms are fine, but they can't compare to the palace baths.  I though you might like to get out of your room for a bit."

"Please."  Kijin stepped back out into the hall, giving Hisoka privacy as he changed.  Once ready, the blond made his slow way across the room and opened the door.  "Okay."

Kijin smiled.  "Let me know if you need help, I know you haven't been walking much."  Hisoka nodded, but was determined to walk on his own; he wouldn't get his strength back by letting others do everything for him.  By the time they reached the baths however, the shinigami was out of breath and realized his limbs were trembling.

He sat on one of the benches, taking a look around.  "Wow!"  It seemed a woefully inadequate comment.  The place was amazing, even more beautiful than the baths at that resort in Hokkaido.  Kijin smiled from where he was folding his tunic and stowing it on a shelf.

"This is one of my favorite places in the Palace.  This and the gardens.  Everyone is so busy; I can be alone here when I need to think."

Hisoka was entranced by the sight of Kijin, bare-chested, dipping one delicate foot into the water.  He had thought the blue-haired shikigami beautiful before, but he had never guessed such a toned body was hidden beneath those heavy robes.  With no apparent self-consciousness, Kijin reached for the tie of his trousers.  Hisoka quickly averted his eyes.

He slipped out of his own clothes, hearing the shikigami splash a bit as he stepped into the pool.  Hisoka tried not to imagine what was now below the level of the water.  Sure that he was blushing, he tried to hurry into the bathing pool.  In doing so, he stumbled, not expecting the first step to be so deep.  Instead of hitting the water face first, Hisoka felt strong arms around him.  He opened his eyes to see Kijin's, filled with concern, just inches from his own.

"Hisoka… Are you alright?"

If he wasn't blushing before, he certainly was now.  "Aa.  Just clumsy."  Kijin didn't look convinced, but held the blond up until he got his feet under him.  Then the shikigami eased off but kept an eye on him until Hisoka found a seat and sank into the warm water with a grateful sigh.

He tilted his head back to rest on the lip of the pool.  Nothing felt better than relaxing in a hot bath.  Well, besides a fully body massage he'd heard, but he certainly wasn't going to ask Kijin for that!  Even just thinking about it made him blush, more than he already was.  Hopefully the shikigami would think it because of the hot water and not something else.

"Hisoka?"

He opened his eyes.  Kijin was running a wet cloth over his shoulders and chest.  He swallowed, trying to focus on the boy's face.  "Hai?"

"Are you alright?  I mean REALLY alright?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

Kijin sighed.  "A lot has happened to you.  You keep getting up and going on and saying you are fine.  But are you, really?"

It was Hisoka's turn to sigh as he drew his knees up to his chest.  "You want the truth?  I don't know."

"You don't know?"  Kijin moved closer.

"No.  It's been so long since I was 'all right', that I'm not even sure what that's like anymore."  He felt Kijin's hand on his shoulder, could 'feel' the concern for him.  "I just keep going, because that's all I can do.  It's either that, or find a corner to fall apart in."  

"Why don't you?"

"Huh?"

"Why don't you let yourself fall apart for a little while?  You might feel better later."

"Cause I might not be able to put myself back together again.  And Tsuzuki.  He'd blame himself."

"So instead you act like you're fine even when it's tearing you apart."

Hisoka just nodded.  The desire to just let it go, to let himself collapse, was there.  But he couldn't.  He couldn't let it happen…

"Let it go, Hisoka.  I can be strong for you.  I'll help you put yourself back together."

Hisoka let go.

**

It was much later when Kijin steered him into his room.  The shinigami just felt numb, drained.  He hadn't realized how much negative emotion he had been carrying around, letting it poison him.  The heavy weight he'd been dragging was gone and in its wake was just an emptiness.

He let Kijin push him down to sit on the bed.  Some part of him said the shikigami shouldn't be waiting on him like this, even as he just sat and let the boy remove his sandals.  He was able to help a bit as Kijin pulled off the loose tunic.  He watched numbly as the shiki took off his own shirt the crawled up onto the bed.  He lay down and held his arms open invitingly.

"Come here, Hisoka.  Sleep."

Yes, sleep.  He was so tired.  Hisoka let himself be pulled into the protective circle of Kijin's arms.  A warm blanket was tucked around his shoulders and there was a feather-light touch on his hair.

"Good night, Hisoka."

He started to drift into dreams.  He heard one last whisper as he dropped off.  'Sleep well, beloved.'

**

His rest was abruptly disturbed by the sound of voices raised in anger.  He was warm and comfortable and really just wanted to go back to sleep.  But the noise was disturbing him.  "G'way." He mumbled, hoping Tsuzuki would take his argument elsewhere.  The warmth he was curled up against moved again and spoke.  Since this wasn't a normal occurrence for him, Hisoka forced himself into wakefulness.

Upon opening his eyes, he was treated to the sight of very soft blue hair and pale, bared skin.  He was never a quick riser, but even his sleep-fogged brain could put two and two together.  Someone was in bed with him.  Not only that, but his head was pillowed on that person's shoulder.  Now if only he could wake up enough to discover who it was in bed with him?

The shouting continued and he picked out a name.  Kijin.  Oh yeah.  Kijin.  He dimly remembered the baths and the shikigami's wet bare flesh and…

Memory and full wakefulness came at the same time and Hisoka gasped.  This served to alert the others that he was indeed awake.

"Hisoka… you're awake.  I'm sorry…"

"YOU'RE SORRY?!!!"

A much deeper voice thundered from behind the blond.  Hisoka tried to roll over and nearly fell off the bed.  He was only saved by Kijin's arms quickly wrapping around his shoulders and pulling him back up.  As he flopped ungangly back on the bed, Hisoka realized two things.  One he was nearly naked, at least he was from the waist up and two, he was totally ungraceful in front of Sohryu, Tsuzuki, Byakko, and who knew who else was lurking in the hallway.

He froze, feeling all those eyes on him, or more specifically, on his bared chest and the faint curse marks that marred his pale flesh.  He tugged the blanket sup to his chin, knowing the body-wide blush was creeping over him.

Sohryu looked ready to bodily remove him from the bed.  Tsuzuki was alternately whining at Sohryu and cooing over how cute they looked.  Byakko was amused.  Suzaku was standing in the door way looking shocked.  He couldn't even look over his shoulder at Kijin.

There was a lull in the argument, as all sides waited to see what the others would say.  The quiet was shattered by one voice that was way too genki for that time of morning.  "Did Hisoka-niisan have a sleepover?"  The young girl has slipped in around Suzaku and was now standing in the middle of the room.

Kijin laughed, breaking the icy silence.  "Yeah, Tenkou.  I 'slept over'."

"Oh.  Do you want breakfast?"

"That sounds good.  Can you wait for us to get dressed?"

"Okay."  Tenkou pushed out into the hall.  Kijin leveled his gaze on the others.  Tsuzuki smiled and pushed Byakko and Suzaku out.  After another glare, Sohryu left as well.

Hisoka flopped back on the bed.  "Gods… I thought your father was going to kill me."

"I thought he was going to kill us both, AFTER he blew up."  Kijin slipped from the bed and pulled on the tunic he'd been wearing the evening before.

"I guess you'll go back to your room for clean clothes."

"I'm not going to leave you.  My father might decide to remove your head while my back is turned."

Hisoka decided that it was silly to hide under the covers; they had just spent the night in the same bed after all.  Pushing away the blanket, the blond stood and started for the wardrobe and the clothes he had brought with him.  If he was going to die, he wanted to be comfortable at least.

"Ready?"

"Why do I feel like I'm being taken to my execution?"

"I won't let that happen."

"Unless he kills you first."

"I know how to handle my father."

"I certainly hope so."

Fortunately, there was a minor crisis so Sohryu didn't join them for breakfast.  Once Tenkou skipped off with one of her caretakers, everyone's attention was riveted on Hisoka and Kijin.  Except Touda who pretended not to be listening.

"So, Kijin…"  Byakko slid over next to the boy shikigami.  "What did you and Hisoka do during your, 'sleep over'?"

"Nothing.  And it's none of your business anyways."

"Oh come on.  You mean to tell me we find you two in bed together, naked…"

"We weren't naked."

"… nearly naked and nothing happened?"

"That's right."

Hisoka was glad Kijin was doing the talking, since he really wanted to just DIE!

"Again, it's none of your business.  Come on, Hisoka.  Let's escape before father shows up."

"Um, thanks."  Hisoka offered after they had gone to Kijin's room so the shikigami could get dressed.  Then they'd slipped out to a secluded cornier of the gardens.  Now they were sitting on a beautiful bridge that arched over the stream, canopied by a willow growing at the water's edge.

"For what?"  Kijin asked.  He was leaning against the low railing, watching the dragonflies flitting over the water.  Hisoka had stuck his legs through the railing and was kicking his feet lazily.

"For doing the talking."

"Well, talking is one of the things I do best."

"Kijin… why did you stay with me last night/"

"You needed company."

"You could have gotten Tsuzuki, he would have stayed."

"You didn't want Tsuzuki."

"Huh?"  
  


"If you had wanted Tsuzuki… you would have gone to him.  You didn't want him to see you like that."

Hisoka had to concede that the blue-haired youth was right.  But what was different about Kijin that he didn't mind his presence?

Once again, Kijin seemed to read his mind.  "Because you know I don't see you as a kid, needing protection.  Because I know what it's like to be younger and not have the same experience.  But the difference is… I don't feel like I have to prove myself to my father.  I've been surrounded by love my entire life, I'm not afraid to let people care for me."

"And I am?"

"You are terrified, Hisoka.  Until Tsuzuki, you'd never known what it was like to be loved and cared for.  You don't know how to react to it.  And so you held everyone away, so when they came to regard you the same way everyone else has, it wouldn't hurt as much."

Hisoka just sat there as Kijin neatly outlined his feelings and reasons for them, knowing that the shikigami was right.  In every respect, he was right.  After the disaster in Kyoto, he had come to realize how much he loved Tsuzuki.  It sacred him, that love.  Because he knew how much the older shinigami loved him, and he didn't think he could really be what the man needed.

"You're right."

"Of course I'm right.  What are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know."  He saw Kijin nod out of the corner of his eye.

"I have things I need to do, like speak with my father.  I don't think you want to be around for that."  Hisoka shook his head.  "I'll leave you alone; you need some time to think."  There was a rustle of heavy silk, and Kijin was gone.

**

They had been recalled to the Meifu that afternoon.  Hisoka hadn't had time to find Kijin before they left.  He didn't have an answer for the boy anyways.  When they arrived, Watari and Tatsumi were already in the conference room with Konoe.  The expression on their faces was grave.

They explained to the returned pair about the assignment that had come in, concerning the Kurosaki family and how they had taken the job.  As gently as they could, they had broken the news about what they had discovered to Hisoka.  

When they were finished, he was numb with shock.  How has he not known about all this?  No wonder he had always had a bad feeling about that school… and the lake.  And his parents…

"Is there anything else?"  He heard himself say, not really paying attention to the others.

"No, I think that's everything, Bon."

"Then may I leave?"

"Go ahead.  Take tomorrow off too if you need it."  It was an almost unheard of gesture from Tatsumi.  But Hisoka merely nodded.  He stood to leave.

"Hisoka?"

"I… need some time."

Tsuzuki sighed.  "Alright.  I'll be by later."  Hisoka nodded again and left.

**

Tsuzuki was trying, he really was.  But he had his own problems and Hisoka couldn't bring himself to pile his own on top of them.  Fortunately, they had only had a couple easy soul retrieval assignments, quick down and then back to the Meifu.  Hisoka buried himself in paperwork, even to the point of taking on some of his partner's.  He didn't want to think, he came early and stayed late and spent long hours at the library when he had nothing else to do.

Eventually he would go home.  But there, he had nothing to distract him.  He wasn't interested in eating and wasn't sleeping well.  All in all, he was staring to look a little worse for wear.

He put up with Tsuzuki and Watari's concerned looks and questions, but there weren't any answers for them.  He didn't know why he was so depressed over the revelations about his family.

_"Until Tsuzuki, you'd never known what it was like to be loved and cared for.  You don't know how to react to it.  And so you held everyone away…"_

Kijin's words ran through his head all night long.

The next day he collapsed at work.

**

He woke, finding a cool cloth on his forehead.  He blinked.  This wasn't his ceiling, neither was it the infirmary ceiling.  He'd woken up to THAT one far too many times.  The ceiling was vaguely familiar.  So was that sound, the whispering rustle of many layers of floor-length silk.

"kijin?"  His voice came out as only a thin whisper.

"Hisoka."  The blue-haired boy appeared in his field of vision, sitting on the edge of the bed.  He took the cloth and the blond heard the drips as the shikigami wrung it out, before replacing it on Hisoka's forehead.

"how?"

"Tsuzuki brought you.  He is very worried, we all are."

"m'sorry."

"It's not your fault.  Tsuzuki told us what happened.  If you thought my father looked scary before… he was all for hunting down your father AND that demon and blasting them out of existence.  Then after he calmed down a bit… he yelled at Tsuzuki for not bringing you sooner."

"didn't want…"

"I know you don't want to be a burden.  But helping your friends is never a burden, Hisoka.  And I'd like to think we are friends."  Hisoka nodded.  "Good.  For now you are on bed rest till we decide otherwise.  I'll go get something for you to eat."

"kijin…"

The boy paused and looked back.  "Yes, Hisoka?"

"you'll come back?"

"Hai, I'll be back soon, get some rest."

**

Slowly Hisoka improved.  The peaceful surrounding as calm emotions around him helped.  For the most part he only saw Kijin and Tenkou, very occasionally Sohryu.  They told him Tsuzuki had been sent back, partially to keep their work from getting too backlogged, but also to keep him from hovering around Hisoka.

Hisoka was sitting in the garden, when he heard the swish of silk.  But the person approaching didn't have the calm serenity that cloaked the blue-haired boy.  No, the emotions this one harbored were weightier, as if there were many responsibilities resting with this person.  He looked up into the stern but caring face of Sohryu.

"May I sit?"

"Of course."

The tall shikigami lowered himself gracefully, seemingly unfazed by having to sit on a rock.  "You are looking better."

"I'm feeling better, thank you."

The dragon lord waived away his thanks.  "It's nothing."

"Never the less, I appreciate what you've done."

"I must admit, I wasn't happy when we first met.  I feared that you too would desert our master.  But you didn't, and in fact you saved him from himself.  I also didn't like that aura of darkness that clings to you.  But I know that it is of no fault of your own, and you are as much a victim of it as anything else."

"I can stay away…"

"No… no, it is better you instead learn to let others help you with the burden of bearing it.  Do you like it here?"

Hisoka was startled by the sudden change of topic.  "Hai… its peaceful, very soothing, usually."  
  


"For your empathy?"

"Hai."

Sohryu seemed thoughtful; when his eyes met Hisoka's again, they had an odd look in them, that the blond couldn't place.  "But it isn't real."

"Real enough… is the Meifu 'real'?... is the Earth 'real'?  'Real' is what you make of it… what you believe.  The Gensoukai is as real as anywhere else."

"Yet again, I'm humbled by you.  How could we have forgotten such a simple truth?"  He shook his head ruefully.  "Given that… would you like to stay?"

"Stay?"

"Permanently."

"But Enma…"

"I'm sure if I requested it the Celestial Emperor could speak with Enma.  We could say you were staying as a liaison or something."

Hisoka thought about it.  It seemed unlikely that Muraki could find him here.  He wouldn't have the strain of dealing with all those dark emotions all the time; people didn't become shinigami if they were happy after all.  But Tsuzuki… even visiting the Meifu it just wouldn't be the same.  And Watari, Wakaba-chan, Tatsumi…

"No."  He looked up at Sohryu's stern face.  "I'd love to, but no.  There are too many people I care for in the Meifu.  And Tsuzuki…"

"It would be very hard for him to find another partner who could work with him as well."

"Hai.  I'm sorry."  He was surprised when Sohryu smiled.

"No, you've made the right choice.  I wanted to offer you a chance to get away if you truly needed it.  But given a little more time, I believe you will be fine."  He patted Hisoka's shoulder then rose to leave.  "Oh, and I'm sorry about embarrassing you with Kijin, you would think with all the time I've been around Byakko I'd be used to that sort of thing."

**

That evening, Hisoka was still a little stunned.  Was Sohryu trying to tell him he didn't mind Hisoka being with his son?  But he didn't like the shikigami that way… did he?  He thought of Kijin… the boy's smile, his calm, how he looked in the bathing pool…

Hisoka fell back against his pillows with a groan.  He DID like Kijin that way.

"Are you ill, Hisoka?"

And standing there was the source of his current frustration.  The blond sighed.  "No… just thinking."

"Nothing bad I hope."

Definitely NOT bad.  He rolled over on his side, hoping his body's response to imagining the blue-haired boy in the baths wasn't too evident.  "No, not bad."  He waved the boy in.

"That's good.  I heard you decided not to stay."

"I can't."

"I know.  But it would have been nice to have you around."

"Aa."  He watched Kijin sit on the edge of the bed and look down at him.

"Father said something to me as well."

"Oh."  Hisoka tried not to seem anxious in any way.

"Yes, he said it was about time I found someone to spend my free moments with."

"Aa."  Here it was… what Hisoka had been dreading but waiting for, the inevitable, 'we're friends but...'

"So… do you think Tsuzuki would let me come through to the Meifu a lot?"

Hisoka stared.  "What?"

"Well, that is… if you want me to?"  He looked down with that serene smile and Hisoka knew he was lost.  Kijin just gathered the stunned blond up into his arms.  He gently cupped the side of Hisoka's face and kissed him.  The shikigami's lips were soft, his kiss as gentle and calming as the rest of him.  Kijin eased them down to lie on the bed, curled around each other.

**

It was a much more collected and calm Hisoka that returned to work.  He greeted the others with a nod, which seemed warmer than before.  He still didn't smile, but he didn't scowl either.  He disappeared into Konoe's office with the chief and Tatsumi for a while, then reappeared.  He then pulled Tsuzuki aside for a bit, speaking quietly then the two of them started to tackle the mountain of paperwork that had piled up during the blonde's absence.

When it came time to leave, Tsuzuki walked Hisoka home.  He went in for a short time, then left, going to seek out another blond coworker to share dinner with.

"I'm glad Tsuzuki is okay with this."

"Me too.  I think he realized this is for the best.  Watari is better suited to him as a companion.  I love Tsuzuki… but I can't be what he wants."

"You're a good partner though.  How long will you stay?"

"As long as he does."

"Then I hope Tsuzuki stays for a long time."  Kijin was easing off Hisoka's shirt, lightly caressing the skin beneath.  

Hisoka's breath hitched.  "Me too…"  He moaned softly as Kijin divested both of them of their clothing.  The shikigami started to lay soft kisses along his throat, stopping to nibble gently when he found a sensitive spot.  The blond let his hands wander over the perfect flesh of the blue-haired boy.  It was like silk, but warm.  He pulled Kijin to him wanting to feel more of that heat.  "Do the curse marks bother you?"  He had to know.

Kijin stopped and looked deeply into his eyes before shaking his head.  "No.  They are just marks… only on the outside… it is the inside that matters."

"But what if they scar inside as well?"

"Then I'll just have to heal the damage."  They fell side by side onto the bed, bodies pressing and rubbing against each other.  Hisoka gave a little moan as their members brushed, sending his nerves tingling.  He lifted Kijin's face to kiss the shikigami, their tongues twining before they had to part so Hisoka could breathe.  His head fell back again as the blue-haired boy suckled lightly on his earlobe.

"Kijin…"

"Mmmm?"  He nuzzled the smooth skin along the blonde's hairline.

"What do you want to do?"

"Anything you would like."  The shikigami's voice was soft, his breath tickling the blonde's ear.  He shivered.

"Take me?"

Kijin pushed himself up on his elbows to peer into Hisoka's face.  "What?"

"Take me."

"Are you sure?  We don't have to do that."

"But I do… I need to know… What it's like… just once."

Kijin looked into his eyes, like he was searching for something.  Then he nodded.  "Very well.  I've never… but I know what to do."

"I trust you."

"I know, and that is the only reason I can do this.  Do you have…"  He made a vague motion with his hand.  "Anything?"

"Lotion, beside the bed."  He saw Kijin's eyebrows rise.  "I have dry skin…"

"I didn't say anything…"

"You thought it though."  The blue-haired boy chuckled, then reached out and grabbed the lotion.

"Lie on your side, facing away… yes, now bend this leg forward… okay…"

Hisoka was grateful that Kijin had thought of a way that didn't make him feel trapped with the shikigami looming over him.  He still tensed involuntarily as he felt a finger pressing against his entrance.  "Relax."  Kijin's voice in his ear was soothing, as was the arm that snaked under his head and neck, cradling his upper body.  He felt the first finger invade him and fought to stay relaxed.  But the pain he expected wasn't there, just an odd feeling, as Kijin's long digit stroked him inside.  "Okay?"  He nodded, not really trusting his voice.  He felt strangely bereft as the shikigami withdrew his finger.

Then that finger returned with another and this time there was a bit of pain.  But Kijin murmured soothingly in his ear until the pain eased.  It was actually starting to feel… good.  He found himself starting to press back, welcoming the slide of those fingers in and out of his entrance.  He could feel himself start to be stretched, it was a little uncomfortable, but in general it wasn't unpleasant, even when a third finger joined the others.

"Are you sure you want to take the next step.  I can wait if you want to."

"Please… please Kijin…"

"Alright."  Then those fingers left and something larger and warmer was pressing against him.  At first he didn't think it was going to work at all… the shikigami's shaft felt so much larger than those fingers.  Then suddenly the resistance was gone and Kijin slid into him.  It did hurt, and he tensed.  Kijin's arms wrapped around him though, and he simply held Hisoka, not trying to move or hasten the process.  Within a minute his body relaxed, adjusting to the intrusion.  Feeling the difference, the shikigami pulled out a bit then pushed back in, this time going deeper and brushing the blonde's prostate.  Hisoka gasped, suddenly feeling pleasure that outweighed the pain.  "Hisoka?"

"Again… do that again…"

Kijin flexed his hips, once again hitting that spot inside Hisoka.  The blond groaned.  Encouraged, the blue-haired boy started to thrust into the shinigami with gentle strength.  As the pleasure mounted, Hisoka found himself pushing back, enjoying being able to be an active participant.  As the heat built, the shikigami began to enter him with more force, less delicacy.  They were both moaning now, when Kijin reach down and took Hisoka's shaft in his hand, pumping in time with their rhythm.  The unexpected touch sent him over the edge and with a shout, the blond came, fluid spilling out over Kijin's hand and onto the bed.  As he tightened, he heard the shikigami gasp and warmth flooded into him.

They just lay there for a long time, still joined.  In time, Hisoka could feel Kijin's member slip from his body.  Only then did the shikigami move, leaving the bed for a moment to wet a cloth in the bathroom, then returning to clean the cooling and now sticky seed from the blonde's body.  He then lay back down and pulled Hisoka over so he wouldn't have to lie in the wet spot.  They cuddled under the blankets, the blond on the edge of sleep.

"Kijin…"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

"No… thank you… that was a beautiful gift."

"Will you come tomorrow night too?"

"If you wish."

In the dark, Hisoka smiled.


End file.
